a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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