can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
