im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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