you would pick up someone in the library
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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