so that wasnt chicken after all
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
