you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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