It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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