Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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