I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
