omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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