I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
