2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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