Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
did i just pee glitter
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
