A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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