you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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