It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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