Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize