HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize