i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
