she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
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