Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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