this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish they made helmets for livers.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
did i walk over a car last night?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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