she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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