Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
