Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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