Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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