worst night to have a conscience
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
