Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
