The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
