i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
