the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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