I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
