just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
