I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
