I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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