if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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