Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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