Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
