Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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