I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
