and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
