I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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