Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
