youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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