he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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