Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
