I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
