i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize