Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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