Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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