I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
