College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
