Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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