Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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