I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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