His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This baby is an asshole
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize