There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
