I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
