No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
