Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
