watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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