I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
