she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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