i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
