that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
