Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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