Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
