I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
