so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
