Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
